Wanted: weapons of fun

So i just played the wanted:weapons of fate demo
and i have to say it was pretty fun
Now i know the movie didnt make sense,
well at least when you look at it with super nerd physicist thought,
But really what really good movie from the 80's actually used legit physics??
Anyway the game is a lot of fun its a straight forward third person shooter
You hide behind things and do stylish rolls and dives into and out of cover,
The best part is actually the thing that ruined the movie for most no-lifed nerds
When you kill dudes you fill your adrenaline meter,
this allows you to kill more dudes faster
and with way more style and explosion-y goodness
The bullet curving is quite useful,
but the game allows you to stay within Bill Nye physics
and with the meter being so small you can only do it a number of times,
unless you have a 100% hit ratio
Another thing thats cool is the slow time cover slide maneuver thingy
It looks awesome and you basically are sliding 3 feet for days
while picking off every dude in the goddamn state
Being able to kill dudes in multiple fashions is always been a thing of mine
and 'close combat' is quite awesome, except for the combat part
there is no actual fighting its just you running up and smashing the kill button
and then feel gratified by the rather cool cut-scene where the blade comes near the enemies cranium and it explodes with bit of skull getting on the screen
It runs quite smoothly the graphics are quite pleasant
and the controls are standard shooter plus the bullet curving antics
This is aside from the story which the xbox demo did not give me any part of
or if they did i didnt care because i wanted to CURVE DA BULLET

Painkiller

After spending weeks and weeks playing nothing but flash games and rock band, waiting for a decent fps to surface, one can sometimes find themselves looking at past games to whittle away the time. This past week, I was reminded of a game I had played a few years back, and decided to give it another run. Painkiller is by no means mainstream, made by a small no-name company, and yet somehow seems to surpass any fps that has come out in a while. The game plays similar to what a seven-year-old redneck child might envision his first hunting experience to be like, that is if he was pitted against evil hell-spawned demons. The main character is handed a gun (there is a story, but like any fps, who cares?) and pitted against hordes of stereotypical undead-zombie-demon things, which he dissembles limb-by-limb.

However, unlike most fps games, Painkiller stands out in its ability to not put anything in the way of you expressing your inner most emotions in the art form of a large destructive firearm. In fact, if you're in the artsy mood, the starting weapon is enough to satisfy any flairs. This weapon beats anything ever given so early in any game (wrench, fists, etc.) in being a combination of a chainsaw, and a hook shot. Yes, the weapon literally could not get any cooler. Now the question may be raised of why would such a destructive force be given to you so early, and many might see that as a ruiner of game play. But when the whole point of the game is to redecorate the maps of the game with as much blood and guts as possible, there is really no reason not to have such a beastly starting weapon.

And for that matter, Painkiller succeeds in not having a single sucky gun through-out the entire game. From a shotgun that doubles as a freeze-gun, to a combo shruiken-lightning shooter, all the guns will tickle you in that special place only fps players can understand. You even get a grenade launcher that is disguised as an overly large nail gun, allowing you to attach demonic organs to the walls and ceilings. And so armed with some of the most devastating weapons imaginable, you go from level to level exploring worlds for baddies to decapitate.

One of the best parts of the game is its content. The enemies, for example, have not just been copy-pasta’d from one level to the next, and seem to actually be spread out enough to be enjoyable. Also, the game doesn’t drone on for hours and hours of mindless play. You go into a level, enjoy it, and then you’ve beat the level. There’s very little bs stringing the game together, which by no means detracts from the length of the game, but instead just helps to make the game actually enjoyable for the player.

Painkiller does have its issues, example trying to include a storyline, something that seems inevitable in this day and age. However, the cut scenes are only every five levels, and God made a skip button for a reason. Also, there are challenges that make some aspects of the game somewhat annoying. While optional, most gamers will find it necessary to unlock all the in-game “cards” which are used as power-ups during future levels when equipped. These “cards” however, are no walk in the park ranging from incredibly easy to something that seems like an impossible badge on Kongregate, and sometimes after a few hours, you just need to relieve some tension. Now if only you had a big gun and lotsa dudes to kill….

Anyways, this game can be played straight-through without much complication, the AI is a little on the Helen Keller side on the easier levels of difficulty, but a quick change to “Trauma” difficulty fixes that issue for all the hardcore gamers. Be forewarned that some levels of the game are only playable on certain difficulties, but hey, why not add a little spontaneity to a game? Another “interesting” twist in the game is that there is the option to not just rape the dead bodies of your enemies, but afterwards, you can steal their souls for health and to charge this games version of hell-on-earth where you simply point and click to destroy anything in your path in the given amount of time.

BSG Series Finale - Spoiler Alert

They pulled a Harry Potter 7 here, had a good ending with closure... sort of... (fucking disappearing people), and then ruined it with the shitty 150,000 years later epilogue.

I don't care how much you guys paid for licenses for the Hendrix version of "All Along the Watchtower". You should've let the show end on a (relatively) graceful note, instead of a hallucination one and two having a chit chat in Times motherfucking Square. The show was depressing enough.

And from the flashbacks we've learned...
Roslin bones her students, Adama can't hold his liquor, Starbuck'll do anyone, Lee would fuck his brother's girl on their dining room table, and Tigh and his wife are the creepy old couple making out in a strip club. Oh and Baltar is/was a douche.

So. Tally... of all the main characters throughout the series, only about six of them end up happy. Everyone else is either dead or alone. Or both. Whoo.

Btw, favorite moment has to be Tyrol going all choke a bitch style on Tory. I would've done that if she killed my wife too.

P.S. They never explained Starbuck. Fucking hell.

Twitter

Twitter - stalking made easy.

As Ray put it: its like facebook without the shit.

...I approve.

Well, until we get the "OMG vampires vs grow your own scrabble" apps anyway.

Shopping Cart Hero

So spring break blows when you dont go anywhere,
Its even worse when you have a midterm the following monday

So to fill the time Ive been on Kongregate as usual
this weeks game is Shopping Cart Hero
And believe me its fuckin stupid,
you take your little poorly drawn kart down a hill
and your supposed to do tricks n shit to make money
you also get scored on your height and distance to make more cash
then like every other game you use the cash to make your cart better
I dont know what it is but the best part of the game
is smashing face first into the dirt
seeing the stick figure smash into the ground
and bleeding is kinda amusing but, thats me being sick
and it has achievements and stuff
but once i get them im probably never playing the game again
I wanna know why every game has stuff that gets upgraded on kongregate
i guess thats what keeps the little underage cybering trolls addicted to the site w.e

btw IM ON A BOAT MOTHER FUCKER!!!

yo dawg

i herd you liek reviews. so we put a blog in ur intertubes to review with you inter-

fuck it.

sup.